Behind the Scenes at the Microsoft Zune Design Laboratory

[Chickenultra]

Lead Designer: [Holding up an iPod] Ok, so we want to make one of these.

Associate Designer: Embrace and extend one of these, you mean.

LD: Right, right. [Nods] Right. So are we done?

AD: Well, no. We have to design it.

LD: I thought we were embracing their design.

AD: No, Jobs has good lawyers. We need to do lots of extending.

LD: Right. Right. [Turns iPod around in his hands] VistaPod?

AD: More than the name.

LD: Right. Well, how about we make this scroll wheel thingy textured. With little bumps and shit. The TexturePod!

AD: No. We can’t use a scrollwheel. Apple has that patented. And we want to stay away from pod, if possible.

LD: [sighs] Tell me again why we don’t just buy the fuckers?

AD: Jobs won’t sell.

LD: Oh, good. I thought it was principles, or something.

AD: No. We haven’t embraced principles. How about we make the screen bigger?

LD: I like that! We’ll have a VistaPod Enterprise Edition with a big screen, a VistaPod Home Edition with a really small screen, a VistaPod Business Edition with a big screen, but only half of it works, a VistaPod Student Edition …

AD: We’re going to try to embrace simplicity for this one. Only one edition.

LD: [pauses] I don’t understand.

AD: Only one kind of VistaPod.

LD: Huh.

AD: And we can’t call it a VistaPod.

LD: Right.

AD: Right.

[uncomfortable silence]

LD: So how much did we offer Jobs?

AD: Lots. Ok, so a bigger screen. And let’s use buttons instead of the wheel.

LD: Right. Wheels are dumb anyway. You don’t type with wheels!

AD: Yeah. [pauses] You know that there’s not going to be any typing on this thing, right?

LD: [frowns] So how are they going to pick songs?

AD: Well, not by typing their names.

LD: So are all the songs going to be in the Start menu?

AD: [pauses] There’s not going to be a Start menu either.

LD: Oh.

AD: Have you even looked at an iPod before?

LD: Well … no. I was just going to hand one off to our Embrace and Extendgineers and tell them to make one.

AD: Well we can’t do that.

LD: Right. [pauses] So bigger screen, buttons. No Start Menu. No keyboard. No mouse?

AD: No mouse.

LD: No mouse. Ok. [thinks] I’ve got it.

AD: Alright.

LD: iPods come in a bunch of colors, right? White and black and blue and whatever, right?

AD: Right.

LD: Let’s come up with a color that no one’s ever used before.

AD: [sighs] That’s a start, I guess.

LD: Brown.

AD: Brown?

LD: Brown.

AD: Like a UPS truck?

LD: I was thinking more a carmel shit brown.

AD: A shit-colored MP3 player.

LD: Yeah. [smiles] Oh yeah.

AD: So you’re proposing a ShitPod.

LD: [frowns] I thought we couldn’t use pod.

AD: Why would anybody buy that?

LD: It’s reverse psychology. Everyone always says our stuff looks like shit, right? So what happens if we make something that actually does?

AD: [rubs temples] I don’t know.

LD: Then we get to say yeah it looks like shit! That’s the point!

AD:

LD: It’s countercultural! It’s bold!

AD:

LD: I feel like we’re having a moment here.

AD: Have you ever designed anything before?

LD: Also, let’s make it look like a brick. A sort of clunky brown brick with a big screen and buttons.

AD: A ShitBrickPod.

LD: Something like that. [claps hands] I think we’ve got it. We’ll get marketing to take pictures of teenagers laughing and partying and being cool while they’re listening to their ShitBrickPods. And we’ll call the campaign “Bringing the Ugly”.

AD: I don’t think that’s a great idea.

LD: Apple’s already done pretty, ok? They’ve already done elegant and well-designed. We need to go in a different direction.

AD: So you’re saying we need to boldly sell something ugly and poorly designed.

LD: Look, we’ve been doing it for the past fifteen years. Why stop now? What’s so special about the ShitBrickPod?

AD: I really don’t think …

LD: Ok, lunchtime! [stands up] That was fun. Let’s design something else tomorrow!





Lawl, even though I own a Zune, this still made me laugh my ass off :biggrin:

http://doodleplex.com/glassmaze/behi...ign-laboratory